


Starting a new Life

by Mitsumi



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst to Fluff, Compliant to Nico di Angelo's explanation of the River of Lethe, Erasing memories, Future Fic, M/M, attempted suicide, non-compliant to Blood of Olympus, post - Blood of Olympus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-07
Updated: 2014-01-07
Packaged: 2018-01-07 21:27:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1124562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mitsumi/pseuds/Mitsumi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Anyone who dares to swim in the river of Lethe will turn their mind into a new born baby. How ironic was it that the person who warned him about it was now sitting there in front of him, just finished swimming in the river, all of his memories probably gone."</p><p> </p><p>Slight future-AU Percico</p>
            </blockquote>





	Starting a new Life

**Author's Note:**

> Beta-read by: lillithblack
> 
> My first official contribution to the Percico ship I love so much.
> 
> This was made early November, reaching 10,000 words by November 20, 2013 and was started to be beta-read by November 26, 2013. It has been beta-read twice and was sent to me, January 7, 2014.
> 
> It contains similar concept with another fanfic, as memory manipulation or erasing the memories is the main point of the story. Though this is completely a coincidence. 
> 
> Do enjoy.

 

 

****Starting a new Life** **

* * *

Cheers and laughter, as well as cries of relief, were vibrating all throughout Camp Half-blood as the news that the crew of Argo II was just mere miles away from camp now. Everyone was excited to welcome the heroes.

The war had ended two days ago. Gaia was put to sleep again, the giants having all been sent back to Tartarus right after her fall. It was the time for celebration. But like every other war, there would always be casualties. Death was still lingering in the air. Even though all the demigods, both Greek and Roman, had worked together against Gaia, there were still a lot who had died. 

The ceremony for those who died was held immediately the night after the war. It was a very depressing sight; burial shrouds were burned, one after another as howls of pain and regret could be heard from every demigod left behind. Each of them was recognized and has given a proper hero salute, Roman and Greek style. It was a night everyone wouldn’t forget for some time.

Nico di Angelo hung at the back of the Big house, or what remained of it, as he watched some campers move from one place or another, getting prepared for the festivities. There were those who started offering to the gods as thanks for letting them win the war once again, inviting them for dinner later at the camp fire. He could see Chiron talking with Rachel and Reyna about rebuilding and further plans for both camps not far from where he was. Nico personally liked the idea of New Athens, it gave a new hope for those Greek demigods who out grew camp but still wants to live nearby for safety. Not all of them were fighting material after all. The three obviously weren’t getting along well with their talk if Reyna’s constant head shake were any indication. Nico could only guess why. Reyna probably abhorred the idea of taking in the Greeks to New Rome, they still didn’t trust all of the campers of Camp half-blood not after what those Eidolons did when they possessed Leo.

Reyna was one of the few demigods Nico had started to respect. After shadow travelling with her and Coach Hedge from Greece back to Camp-half blood, he had grown to like her more, she was like Bianca in a sense, the older sister that a little brother would hate and love at the same time. They were kindred spirits, both suffering from feeling completely alone, the feel of being rejected by everything they care for, and mostly because maybe to some extent both of them knew what unrequited love felt like.

Nico was a bit startled when the cheers grew louder as something from the air came, approaching the camp. He watched the Argo II land and one by one the seven heroes of the prophecy stepped down the ship, all still worn out after their own battle in Athens. They were battered and full of make shift bandages, but they had smiles on their tired faces, glad that it was finally over. He sighed as a small smile graced his own face when he saw Percy. He was just glad that he was fine, that’s what mattered to him most.

Even though relief had washed over him upon seeing Percy, it was still painful to watch him from afar. He still had Annabeth glued to his side. They probably wouldn’t ever let go of each other, not after all they had been through together. The pain in Nico’s heart grew as he continued to watch them from the sidelines. Maybe he had a masochistic side inside him, torturing himself by watching the golden couple moves about, laughing with everyone. They were happy, and Nico was, to some degree, happy for them despite the jealousy bubbling inside him.

Bah, who was he kidding? He wanted that. He wanted what they had and he would never get that. Percy would never feel the same. It was a curse from being Hades’ son; he wouldn’t have a happy ending of his own. Maybe that was why it was Hazel among the two of them who became part of the prophecy and started having a healthier life, with friends and her boyfriend caring for her; she had the better end of being the God of Underworld’s child, balancing things out between them. Nico was Death, Hazel was Wealth. And Nico was glad, really, because Hazel deserved that.

Pushing himself off the crumbling wall, Nico slowly trekked his way towards the Half-blood hill, specifically where the shade of Thalia’s tree were. Peleus was without a doubt slumbering peacefully loud snores could be heard from the dragon. He smirked a little at that. He didn’t blame the dragon to sleep like a log; he did fight hard to protect the camp from all those monsters invading their home. He patted the dragon’s snout a bit, an act of gratitude and farewell, not just to the dragon but to the whole camp.

He really did have some good memories there even if he wasn’t there a lot of the time. He was grateful that even if he was treated as an outcast most of the time, he had been welcomed by a few people that mattered most. But it was about time that he left. Not that anyone would notice one sulky child of Hades  gone. They were far too happy to bother finding him, plus he had this creepily quiet aura around him which made him hard to notice. Not that Nico cared. He just wanted to get away, away from all this pain and suffering, to start a new and maybe move on with his life, if he could.

“Don’t I get a goodbye too? Not that I wanted to be patted or something like Peleus.”

Nico turned and saw Jason standing there a few feet from him. His arms were crossed and he had a sad smile on his tattered face.

“I saw you walking to here and I just-”

“Nothing you say will change my mind Jason. I’m leaving.”  Nico frowned, his face determined. He had to do this, for his own sanity. “Forever…” He added as an afterthought, muttering it so low, but he knew Jason heard it. “I need to do this, so you can’t stop me.”

Jason chuckled sadly and shook his head, walking and stopping just an arm length away from Nico. “I just wanted to say goodbye, properly. I don’t like that you’re leaving, I think it’s a bad move, but it’s your decision.” He placed his hands on Nico’s shoulder, meeting the younger boy’s eyes. “But if anything else, you know I’m always here to talk to. That’s what friends do.” He stopped and raised a brow at Nico, as if challenging him to say otherwise. “And we are friends. We all are.”

Were they friends? Nico stared at him for a few seconds and smirked slightly. They all had been through a lot together. So yes, they were and maybe one day he’ll be a friend to them too, but not now.

“So do I get a hug or something as a goodbye?” Jason released his hold on Nico and opened his arms with a smirk on his face, obviously trying to lighten the mood, but he was bad at it. Jason wasn’t really the humorous kind of guy, that was Leo’s expertise.

“Don’t push your luck Grace.” Nico chuckled a bit, shaking his head as he stepped back a little. He really wasn’t the touchy feely guy. “Tell Hazel I love her, and not to worry too much.”

Jason nodded, obviously not offended, most likely seeing Nico’s backing up as normal. After all, he did yell at Jason before about his no touching rule. “Bye Nico. And seriously visit when you have time. Maybe send me a message or something, just to know you’re alright.”

Nico smiled weakly, giving Jason a single nod. Letters, that he could do. “See you Jason.”

And with that, Nico turned his back and summoned the shadows, leaving camp-half blood and his friends behind. Perhaps someday he’d be back, when he wasn’t so broken anymore…  _someday._

* * *

Percy leaned back against Cabin Three’s steps as he pulls Annabeth beside him, his arms wrapped around the girl’s waist. Their friends were sitting with them, talking and laughing, telling the tale of how their adventure in Athens faired. It was rough, they had a lot of close calls, but they all made it out alive. He tightens his hold on Annabeth, who looked and him and smiled. He was glad he has her; she was, after all, everything to him.

He noticed Leo was still fumbling with his sphere, he said he was fixing this  _astrolabe_ , while talking and butting in with his jokes from time to time. The guy confided to him one day while they were on their way to Athens about his encounter with Calypso. He felt guilty instantly when Leo said her name, remembering that one of the curses sent to him in Tartarus was from her, but he was glad she had Leo now. Leo was still working on his device for finding Ogygia, to be with Calypso. He offered to go to the mechanic once he was done, but Leo insisted on doing it on his own. If the gods couldn’t do anything, Leo was determined to do it even if he died. Percy was proud of Leo, he was doing what Percy couldn’t do.

Frank and Hazel were snuggling together beside Piper and Leo, laughing at what the boy had just said. Percy smiled and pulled Annabeth closer. He wished life would stay like this from now on, but being a demi-god, life wouldn’t be like this for long. Trouble would always come after them one way or another, so Percy was going to cherish these small moments from now on. He would make up from all the missed moments and try fixing all the mistakes he made. Speaking of which…

“Did you guys see Nico? I saw Reyna and Coach Hedge earlier, but not Nico.”

Both Reyna and Coach Hedge came up to them running when they disembarked Argo II earlier along with all the other demigods. The proud Satyr happily introduced them to his new born baby while the New Rome’s Praetor gave them the rundown of what happened at camp. Apparently, the three of them had arrived right on time, just as Octavian had yelled ‘ATTACK’ right in the middle of the two opposing camps. Seeing the Athena’s Pantheon appearing out of the shadows suddenly like that stopped the assault and bought them time to make peace and team up right before Gaia’s forces attacked.

“I’m worried about him...” Hazel mumbled, she took Frank’s right hand in hers. “He’s acting weirdly before they left to return Athena’s Pantheon.”

“Jason saw him earlier and immediately went after him.” Piper replied with a frown on her face. “I still don’t know what happened between those two. But they seem to have a mutual understanding after coming back from Croatia. Jason won’t tell me what happened there.”

“And I’m telling you nothing happened. We just fought Cupid and got the sceptre.” Jason said as he stepped out from the side of the Cabin, Percy noted that he looked a bit sad. “And Nico just left camp.”

“Oh, he didn’t even say goodbye…” Hazel looked dejected. She probably wanted to talk to her brother; she couldn’t stop worrying about him while they were on their way back from Athens. Who wouldn’t? A lot of campers lost their siblings in the fight and all they had was each other. She probably feels guilty for not looking for him right after they landed. The crowd that surrounded them was overwhelming; it was a miracle for Jason to even notice Nico and left the crowd flying, Percy was sure he couldn’t see anything other than campers talking loudly asking about everything. “Is he fine? Did he say when he’s coming back? I have so much to tell him, I just couldn’t find him earlier.”

Jason sighed and sat behind Piper, hugging her from behind. “He’s fine, just a few scratches here and there, but he said he won’t be coming back…” He then gave an apologetic look at Hazel who had a horrified look on her face. “Ever.”

Percy visibly winced, while everyone else gasped. “What do you mean?” Hazel made a painful sound, which he thinks was probably her crying, and buried her face in Frank’s chest. He couldn’t blame her for crying, after everything they all went through, then your brother suddenly leaving like that. Percy shook his head. Even he would cry at that.

The son of Jupiter shrugged. “He told me he’s leaving forever. He probably won’t come back.”

“Dude, the guy’s the son of Hades, saying he’s leaving forever is kinda creepy. It’s like…” Leo gulped. “Like saying he’s dying or something.”

Hazel cried harder, which earned Leo a glare from Frank, who started comforting his girlfriend. Leo muttered ‘sorry’ and concentrated back on his sphere.

Percy probably had no one to blame but himself. He should have been a better friend. Sure, Nico was anti-social and pretty much a loner ever since Bianca died, but he could have tried to talk to the guy earlier on, not now when the damage has been too deep to mend. The guy survived Tartarus alone, a feat Percy couldn’t have done without Annabeth beside him, and Bob, let us not forget about Bob.

Nico had done a lot of things for him, giving him his Achilles’ heel (worrying more about him and his possible end than the faith of Olympus), bringing his dad and an army of the dead when they almost lost the Titan war, looking for him tirelessly when he was missing (despite pretending not to know him when he found him), befriending Bob (who he forgot but eventually save their lives), trying to save them from falling to Tartarus (even though he was too weak and malnourished from being trapped in a jar), promising and bringing everyone at the doors of death (he heard a lot of things had happened during that trip, like Nico turning into a corn plant), and the list might as well go on. He probably didn’t know everything, and he had probably done a lot more things than Percy even knew about.

Sure, he made a lot of mistakes too, he wasn’t perfect after all, but Percy could strike those out of the list compared to the list of the things he had done for him. He was that kind of guy, the one who worked in the background, not taking any credit at all and preferred to stay in the shadows, literally.

Now that he thought about it, he couldn’t blame Nico for growing up that way. Yeah, Percy’s life had been hell, but Nico’s probably worse. Being the son of Hades (automatically shunned by the others who doesn’t understand him), having been trapped for more than 70 years (The time gap isn’t just that easy to adapt with), losing his sister at a young age (Losing the only person who you care for at the age of 10? Percy couldn’t even wrap everything in his head when he thought he lost his mom when he was 12, then it must have been harder for Nico), living alone in who know where for the remainder of the years away from camp… And he knows it’s not in Camp Jupiter, because he asked Jason about that. Gods, how did even Nico survive all this time? He must have been really lonely.

“We have to find him.” He frowned. “He can’t just run away like always.”

Annabeth leaned back on him. “Percy, maybe he’s going through something. We should let him be for a while.” She had an uncomfortable but also worried look on her face. He had heard rumors about it, that Nico liked Annabeth. It made sense, the way Nico sometimes looked at Annabeth with a painful expression on his face.

“We’ve always let him be. He’s always alone.” Percy moved to stand up, but was stopped by his girlfriend, he gave her a stern look in return. “That has to stop. We can’t just let Nico be like this.”

Jason shook his head. “I agree with you, but just drop it Percy. It’s his choice. Let’s just respect it and see where it’ll take him.”

Percy sighed and nodded; he sat back down and buried his face in Annabeth’s shoulder. He felt a painful twinge in his chest, which he thought was most likely guilt. No matter what everyone says, he had to find Nico. He had a lot to make up and be a better friend. He slowly, and tried not to be noticed by anyone, rub small circles on his chest, trying to soothe the pain that was blooming inside.

* * *

Jason smiled slightly as he took another letter that appeared on his bedside table. He leaned back on the bed’s headboard, wrapping his blanket around him as he read 60th letter he received from Nico. The summer breeze was quite cold this year. He would do anything to have Piper snuggled up beside him every night. But rules are rules, and it’s not a good idea to face the harpies at night when sneaking out even if they do live together outside camp in New Athens.

The son of Hades never did come back, but he did send Jason a letter each month. All was sent through shadow travelling. There were times that he would wake up seeing an arm reach out from the shadows and drop a letter before disappearing completely. It scared him the first time he saw it, but he got used to it eventually. The letters were short and brief, with Nico just telling him enough to know that he was okay. But sometimes, Nico would tell him where he was and actually share what he was going through. Those were rare, but Jason was happy to see that Nico was at least opening up a bit.

At first Jason didn’t know how he would reply to Nico, then he thought of writing a letter of his own and leaving it where Nico would leave his last letter. Jason didn’t think it would work, but the next day the letter was gone, so he knew Nico probably took it, which made Jason happy.

He never said anything about this to the others; Nico had requested that when the first letter came. He just wasn’t ready yet, and Jason respected that. But then he learned from Hazel a year after the first letter came that Nico was sending everyone else a letter once a year, adding a gift every Christmas for each of them. It’s usually small trinkets he could make or buy where ever he was. Everyone would get the same, everyone but Percy. It wasn’t noticeable at first, but with him knowing Nico’s feelings for Percy, he did eventually saw it. Every gift for Percy, whether it’s brought from the store or not, has a small engraving of a trident. The son of Poseidon would just look at his gift and smile to himself. He knew Percy noticed but didn’t say anything about it at all, he probably felt the same way Jason feels when he receives a letter from Nico.

It made Jason feel special, knowing Nico sent him one monthly while the others only received one letter per year, even Percy (disregarding the gifts). The crew of Argo II didn’t bother writing back, having the same problem as Jason did at first, not knowing how to or where to send it. Nico never answered the Iris messages they sent, so they settled on the comforting fact that Nico was still alive and okay. Everyone except for Percy that was (it’s always him wasn't it?). The guy was still hung up on finding Nico, his sense of loyalty preventing him from stopping and accepting Nico’s choice. Jason felt guilty for that, seeing as he knew more about Nico for now than the rest of them, yet he chose to be quiet about it, letting Percy and Hazel worry about Nico.

It was weird exchanging letters, considering they were all dyslexic, the letters jumble around and he can’t understand them unless read multiple times, but it somehow works for them.

Jason frowned as he finished the letter, as usual, it still didn’t indicate anything about Nico’s possible return. It’s been five years since he left. He sighed and reached for his drawer, pulling out a piece of paper to write on. This would probably be the hardest letter he was going to write to the boy, no man, because Nico was 19 now. Sometimes he forgot that it’s been too long, that Nico wasn’t 14 anymore.

He tapped his pen on the wooden surface of his bedside table and pondered on how he should tell Nico the news. With Nico’s personality, he probably ought to just get straight to the point. Writing down everything fast, he sealed the letter and left it there for Nico to take it, which he probably would be doing in a few hours, as he always did.

_Nico,_

_Glad to hear from you again. It’s nice to know you’re near here for a while. Hades does make you do the weirdest quest ever. Or was Persephone just messing with you again? Everyone here is fine, Hazel still misses and talks about you a lot. Leo and Calypso’s shop is doing great as usual. Piper and I are doing good in college. I really rather not study, you are one lucky dude to escape Annabeth’s persistence for everyone to go to college._

_I have to tell you something, Percy… he’s looking for you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. He still thinks he has this responsibility to take care of you, for not being a better friend when you needed him. He thinks we don’t know, but we knew that he extends all of the quest given to him with the hopes of finding you. But in a week he’ll stop. It was Annabeth’s condition because in 8 days they are getting married. Percy said wants you to be there, so he’s more determined than ever, pushing his luck and trying his hardest in years to look for you. Annabeth isn’t happy about it, but she understands._

_I know you’re still hurting after all this time, so I think it’s better if you face up to your feelings and stop running away, and finally move on, it’s been what? Five years? But hey, still, it’s your choice. Dude, I’m telling you this so you can have a choice. Either you go or not. I don’t want you to force yourself. Do things your own pace and come back when you’re ready._

_We miss you._

_Jason._

* * *

 

It was three days after Jason wrote that letter when something happened. He noticed something was off with his friends. They all had a weird expression on their faces, like they were worried, but touched at the same time. Piper would stare at the sky, sporting a sad smile on her beautiful face, and Leo wasn’t his usual loud self, he would tinker with his machines with Calypso then just grab her hand tightly, like he was afraid she would disappear. He was about to ask Piper what happened when he heard a yell from Cabin three followed by a loud thud, probably the door being slammed close. Percy was marching down the steps, Annabeth trailing behind him, her face looked like she was frustrated.

“Percy stop! I know you’re worried, we all are. But we don’t even know where he is! The letters could have meant anything.”

“Exactly, it could mean anything. But you just- you don’t say thank you for everything, say sorry for whatever you have done and then goodbye in the same sentence if it’s not a permanent goodbye.” Percy yelled back, clutching a letter in his hand.  “I have to find him. I’ve been looking for him for years! I can’t just stop now!”

Jason eyes widen a bit before he ran towards his own cabin, not hearing Piper and the rest call after him before going after Percy, who continued to yell, not just to Annabeth but to everyone else, trying to stop him from leaving to gods knows where.

 _‘Gods… Nico. What are you doing?’_  He had a bad feeling about this. It was so out of character of Nico. If what Percy says was true, then... Jumping Jupiter! Jason didn’t want to think whatever Nico had been planning. He didn’t really know what he’ll find by going to his cabin, but he had this nagging feeling he’ll find something. Maybe Nico left him a letter too; something that will give him a clue on what the son of Hades was planning to do. Anything to placate this cold feeling inside of him.

Just as he arrived in his cabin, about to search for a letter of sorts, a shimmer of gold and rainbow came from his bed and Nico’s head appeared a second later. He looked worn out, his hair shaggy and longer than before, probably reaching below his shoulders. His ears were pierced, his clothes looked they’ve seen better days. Nico’s eyes were emptier than Jason remembered. He was paler and lankier than ever. In short, he looks more of a corpse than he was before. Damn, can’t the fates be nicer to him?

“Nico…” He took a few steps towards the image.

“Oh good you’re alone, I was worried that you’ll have Piper around. I need to tell you something.”

“What the hell man! What was that letter for? Percy is freaking out right outside.”

Nico blinked and stared at Jason before he smiled a bit. Jason would have missed it if he wasn’t glaring closely at Nico. Seriously, Nico needed to smile more. “Listen Jason, I didn’t want to do this-” He shifted a bit and Jason barely saw a river behind him, the water was black (or maybe that was just because the surroundings were dark?), but it was the kind of river you would rather be far away from. It gave out a scary vibe. Just what was Nico doing there?

“Nico where are you?” He crossed his arms, effectively cutting off whatever Nico was going to say. Something was really wrong here.

The lines on Nico’s forehead furrows as he frowned. “Underworld.”

Jason raised his brow. “Where exactly in the Underworld? I thought you said you were in Manhattan the other day?”

“I…” Nico looked down, his long hair covering his face. His body was shaking, because of what Jason didn’t really know. He was scared that Nico would probably lash out on him, and despite Nico being in the underworld, it won’t stop the ground he is standing on to suddenly crack and eat him alive. He really did mean it when he said Nico was probably more than he can handle. But right now, he just wants to give the younger demigod a hug. He probably needs it more than ever. “Jason, I just want to tell you that I’m ready.”

Jason was a taken aback by that, expecting an angry retort from the younger boy. “What?” He spluttered. He was confused, what was Nico saying? “Ready for what? Nico, I know that knowing Percy is getting married is hard, but this isn’t the way to handle it. Those letters you sent.” He trembled a bit, shaking his head. “Don’t do this.”

“Shut up!” He glared a bit at him, which made Jason falter a bit, forgetting how hateful those glares were. “I’m ready to let go Jason. So just stop it. I’m going to start a new life.” Nico choked up a bit as looked up and sighed. “It’s better this way.” He had a faraway look on his face as backed away, going towards the river. “Thanks man. You’ve been a good friend to me all these years, it’s why I wanted to say goodbye. Don’t miss me too much.” He smirked, Jason could swear Nico emphasized the word friend a bit.

“NICO NO! Don’t be stupid! Ta-” before even he can finish his sentence the Irish message was cut off, Nico’s image dissolved into white smoke. “Shit.” He had to do something; he couldn’t just let Nico… He punched down his bed (hopefully it wasn’t broken from the impact) as he heard Piper yelling outside his cabin.

“Jason, can you help us? Percy, he’s-”

“Piper!” Jason jumped up, immediately went out and ran towards her. “I’ll handle Percy. Can you call Hazel? She needs to get here fast.”

“If it’s about Nico, I got a letter too. It’s so unlike him to send that kind of letter. It was full of thoughtful words, but I think Annabeth was-” She stopped, seeing the tense expression on his face.

Jason sighed and ran his right hand through his hair. “Percy was right Pipes.”

“You mean…”

He nodded. “I just got an IM from Nico.” He shifted uncomfortably, itching to run to the Underworld and rescue Nico from himself. “And I’m pretty sure he was about to…” Jason looked away. Damn, he couldn’t even finish his sentence. It hurts to think that he had just seen his friend about to commit suicide and he was too far away to do anything. He felt useless for the first time in five years. “We still have to try and stop him.”

Tears formed in Pipers eyes. “Gods... Why would he even...” She clamped her hand over her mouth as tears formed at the corner of her eyes. “I-I’ll call Hazel.” She quickly ran towards her cabin, effectively running over her siblings along the way, those who were wise enough skirted away from her.

He should have expected it. Nico was still hurting, because he still loved Percy no matter how he denied it. Percy was the only thing keeping him grounded in the lands of the living. He was far too deep to move on. Jason clenched his fist. Weren’t they enough? He did have friends. He shouldn’t have told Nico that Percy was getting married. No, that was wrong. He shouldn’t have let Nico leave all those years ago. He should have insisted on Nico staying at camp.

Jason turned and started running to the back of Poseidon’s cabin where the golden couple were. They were gathering a ton of on watchers. He glared at them, shooing them away. No one needed to know, other than them, how heavy the situation was.

From afar he could still hear Percy yelling at Annabeth, who was now crying and yelling back, but still maintained a determined look as they argue. She had both of her hands clamped down on Percy’s arms, stopping him from leaving camp and blindly search for Nico.

“Really Annabeth? You’re supposed to be the intelligent one. You want us to go to that stupid tux fitting instead of looking for our friend?!” Percy was obviously trying hard not to completely lash out at his girlfriend, but his patience was slipping, in his right hand Jason can see he was gripping Riptide tightly.  

“It’s not that! And you know that I’m worried too!” Annabeth yelled back. “But it was just a letter! That might just have been Nico trying to give his gratitude to us because he can’t come to our wedding!” She sighed and shook Percy lightly. “Be reasonable Percy. Most of the people who would commit suicide won’t send letters like it’s planned!” She wiped her tears with the back of her hand. “A person suffering from self-hatred or depression tends to do things impul-”

“Not everyone is like that.” Percy muttered, he shifted his eyes away from her. His shoulders sagged, resigned on not winning the argument against Annabeth, but still had to try and make her see his reasons.

“Percy, you just have to know that-”

Jason shook his head as he got near them. Annabeth probably wouldn’t understand. She thinks things through logic and theories, and sometimes people are not like that. Human emotion was something they couldn’t predict all the time. It was fragile, one wrong move and it can shatter into million pieces. But he couldn’t blame her, someone had to think and stay level headed in their group. It’s just that Nico wasn’t applicable to that. “Guys, listen.”

“Not now Jason.” Annabeth turned in his direction and glared at him while Percy didn’t even move from where he was.

“No” He glared back a bit, irritated by her bossy attitude. “This is important. I just received an IM from Nico. He’s-”

In a flash, before even Jason can finish what he was saying, Percy was in front of him, his hands grabbing his shoulders tightly. His fingers were digging through Jason’s shirt. He really was worried, more than Jason had guessed. “Is he okay? Where is he?”

 “He’s down in the Underworld. I saw him went to a river. The water, its pure black. It gives off a vibe that no one should be there.” Jason squared his shoulders and looked Percy in the eye. “He was going to drown himself. We have to find that river and get Nico before it’s too late.”

Percy stumbled back, his eyes wide. Annabeth caught him from behind, holding him up a bit. “No, he isn’t…”

“What do you mean he isn’t? We have to get there and save him somehow! I asked Piper to-”

“The black river in the Underworld…” Percy cut him off. He looked horrified. Damn, that place must have been something more than just a black river. “Nico’s going to drown himself in the River of Lethe.”

A loud gasp made Jason turn and saw Hazel standing there with Piper. Both had tears in their eyes, but Piper had wiped hers off, trying not to look weak. Jason knew that she hated being just the daughter of the goddess of love, seeing it weaker than what the rest of them could do.

“He’s going to try to forget everything.” Annabeth’s voice trembled, finally realizing the heavy implication of Nico’s letters. “I… I didn’t know it was that bad…”

“Hazel, can you shadow travel all of us at the entrance of the Underworld?” Percy’s voice hardened.

Hazel was shaking. The thought of losing your brother, even Jason felt his stomach churn at that. “I can only take two… I’m not that good compared to Nico.”

“Let’s go.” Percy stood up, his face determined. “And let’s hope Nico hasn’t dipped himself in the river yet.”

“I’m coming with you.” Annabeth said, her face looked passive, as if she was trying hard not to cry again. Maybe years of not having a great prophecy hanging above them softened all of them. All of them weren’t taking this like how they did when they were younger. The girls were quick to cry, and them, the boys, easily got mad. And Nico, he succumbed to sorrow. It really was bad to let the demi-gods be stagnant and left with nothing much to do. “Maybe I can convince him not to do it. I know that he likes me. Gods, he’s probably doing this because he heard Percy and I are getting married.”

Somehow, even though Jason knew Annabeth didn’t mean it in a bad way,that kind of irked him. Athena’s children’s fatal flaw was really the worse in times like this.  _Pride_. She was so sure Nico liked her, not seeing it any other way. She prided herself on being better than anyone, on knowing everything, and that includes her observation on Nico. “No. I’m going.” He took a step towards Hazel and smiled at her, reassuring her even just a bit that it’s going to be okay. “You won’t be helping at all if you’re there Annabeth.” Nico would probably feel more alone if he sees Percy and Annabeth together, way to rub salt into the wound.

“But Jason, a person who has suicidal tendencies is more likely to listen to the ones they like. I should be there.”

 “That’s the point.” He shook his head, afraid to say anything that would give out Nico’s feelings, but he had to, just to make her stop and make it worse. “This isn’t about you Annabeth. It never was.”

Annabeth’s serious expression turned into surprise. Her mouth forming an “O”. Jason guessed it was quite shocking to be told it was never about her. Annabeth was a wonderful person; it’s just that her self-appreciation was really getting to him. She’s intelligent, so Jason guesses she probably knows the truth by now.

He could feel Percy’s eyes burn on his back, and somehow he knew that Percy was starting to get it.  He could practically hear the gears turn in his head. Nico would probably kill him for this, but it’s not like he out rightly said it, just hinted it. He didn’t break his promise, that much he was sure.

“Can we just go? Nico… He’s probably already…” Hazel started to sob again. Piper hugged her and kept murmuring words to her, undoubtedly using charm speak, encouraging her to stay strong for Nico.

“Come on.” Percy clamped his hand on Jason’s shoulder, squeezing a bit before grabbing Hazel’s hand. “We have a Ghost king to save.”

* * *

 

Just as he felt the shadows retreat from his body and the ground on his feet, Percy started running towards the River of Lethe. He could hear Jason and Hazel running behind him. They landed a few meters from the river, just by the entrance where Ethan Nakamura escaped years ago, missing their target location, as Hazel wasn’t used to shadow travelling that much. The river was long as it stretched all throughout the Underworld; Percy just hoped they find Nico fast.

“Over there!” He heard Jason yell and looked at where the blond was pointing to. A figure was sitting by the river, his feet were already touching the ends of the water. He was wet and shivering, he looked like he was about to cry. His hair was longer and he was a bit skinnier than before, but Percy knew it was Nico.

“Nico!” He ran faster, willing the water to move away from the boy. “Nico get back! Move away from the water!” But he knew what he was saying was futile. If his observation was right and Nico was already wet, he had probably dived in the water already, erasing all of his memories. He felt sick at that, but he had to at least try, for Nico’s sake.

The son of Hades turned his head and looked at them. He had a confused look on his face before breaking into a huge smile. He started waving his hands about, giggling.

Percy stopped and pulled Nico into a hug, moving them far from the river, thinking of  _‘dry’_  to prevent his self from getting wet. “Nico, do you remember anything? Do you remember who I am?” He asked as he tried to think and order the water on Nico to move and get out of him. It was hard controlling the water of Lethe like before, but he did it somehow and in a few seconds Nico was dry again. He knew asking was pointless, the river was powerful. It probably already served its purpose.

Percy swore he heard a soft voice crackling in glee as he try to keep Nico dry, but as he looked around, all he could see was Hazel and Jason are running towards them. It was coming from the river though, maybe a nymph? He shook his head. Great, he was hearing things again. Focus.

Nico looked up to him, staring in awe like he didn’t understand what Percy was saying. Percy felt his heart drop. They were really too late.

“Nico no…” Hazel’s voice was trembling. Percy let go of Nico as she moved to hug her brother, sobbing as she sat down on the ground.

Nico was still staring at him even with Hazel wrapped around him. Percy couldn’t move his eyes away either. He knew Nico’s memory has been wiped clean. Anyone who dares to swim in the river of Lethe will turn their mind into a new born baby. How ironic was it that the person who warned him about it was now sitting there in front of him, just finished swimming in the river, all of his memories probably gone.

Jason sat down beside them, ruffling Nico’s hair with a sad look on his face, full of guilt and regret. “You stupid kid. Look at what you’ve done.” Percy can see from the corner of his eyes how Jason was shaking, he was probably feeling what Percy was feeling right now. Guilt for not getting here immediately, sadness because Nico felt that way and anger because Nico did this to himself. It was worse than suicide.

Nico finally broke his gaze on Percy and tilted his head to look at Jason. He started babbling, laughing and clapping his hands as if he recognized Jason. Nico couldn’t form any kind of words and just cooed at the three of them. His mind really did turn into a baby, which was entirely different to what he remembers what happened to Bob, no, Iapetus. Maybe because the guy was a Titan, somehow over powering the power of Lethe. The Titan could still talk and form coherent sentences; he could walk and understood them, all of which are not applicable to Nico now.

Percy leaned down beside the three on the ground. “We have to fix you somehow.” He reached out and cupped Nico’s face, rubbing his thumb on the boy’s cheek. “I’m sorry you had to do this to yourself. If only I knew.”

He turned to Jason and gave him smile, it was painful to smile, and it probably showed too. When the son of Jupiter said it wasn’t about Annabeth, somehow, slowly everything clicked into place. Everything that Nico had done, all the promises and sacrifices, it was all because he was in love with him and not Annabeth. How could he have been blind? It was obvious. He felt a twinge in his heart. No, he knew why. It was because he never considered Nico in that way. It had always been Annabeth in his eyes that he missed Nico’s affection. People will always be blind to something they weren’t looking for.

Percy just couldn’t understand. He was a terrible friend who neglected him. He broke all of his promises to the boy. He refused to trust him for a long time. He half-hated him for not telling he knew him when his own memories were robbed from him. And gods, how hard must it have been for Nico to watch him and Annabeth together. So why him? All he ever did was hurt him.

“Let’s take him to Dad’s palace.” Hazel sniffled as he pulled away slightly from Nico. “He probably knows what to do. I-I heard there was a pond of Moneta somewhere in the palace.”

“Moneta? Goddess of Memories?” Jason asked as he stood up and helped Nico on his wobbly feet, he probably didn’t even know how to walk. The boy immediately jumped towards Percy, hugging him happily, which made them fall over. Jason chuckled at that before helping them both up again. Nico still clinging on Percy.

Hazel smiled fondly at Nico, not really understanding why her brother seems attached to Percy now that his memories have been wiped off. “I’ve read a book once saying that to balance things out, Moneta had Pluto make a pond for her. It was said to do the opposite of River of Lethe.”

Hope sparked inside Percy. He held Nico tightly. There was a way he could reverse this. Bob gained his memories back, so Nico could probably have his again. He swore he would do the right thing now. He may not return Nico’s feelings, but he did care for him. “Let’s go and get this boy fixed.” He shifted Nico’s weight a bit. “Aren’t you a big baby?” He smirked as Nico snuggled up to him, wrapping his arms around the Percy’s neck and his legs around Percy’s waist. “Guess I have to carry you now.”

* * *

 

It turned out that Hades couldn’t do anything about it. The pond of Mnemosyne (as Percy learned that is her proper Greek name.) could return the memories of those who lost theirs by choice. The pond was made for souls who was forced or accidentally lost their memories. Because Nico willingly gave up his memories, Mnemosyne couldn’t exactly help him through drinking or washing in the pond. But since Nico is half-god, there is a possibility that he would slowly remember again like how Bob remembered he was Iapetus, but like always, no matter how small, with a price.

“This boy, he has been through a lot.” Mnemosyne smiled as she hovered above her small pond, just at the back of Hades’ Palace. It was beautiful compared to the River Lethe. Everything was white. Looking closely at the water, figments of memories from different people float by. A mythomagic card floated by and was washed to the ground by Percy’s feet. He had the urge to pick it up; knowing that the card game means a lot for Nico but he was still carrying the boy, so bending down to get it was out of the question.

“He’s the same as his father.” Percy saw Hades flinch and look away. “The children of Hades hold similar flaws. Holding grudges. Not because of hatred, but because they love and trust deeply. Once they give out their love and trust, they give everything they have. Emotions are what keeping them strong. It is why it’s hard for them to forgive and forget. I’m not Aphrodite, so I can’t explain this clearly. Hades is actually quite a softy, he just tries to hide it all the time.” She laughed a bit as they see the uncomfortable expression on Hades’ face.

Hazel gave her father a sympathetic look while Jason tried not to laugh. It was bad for the son of Jupiter to laugh at the King of the Underworld while in his own realm, so Percy knows he’s trying his best though failing miserably. Jason wasn’t the funny kind of guy, so seeing him trying not to laugh was amusing at least. Persephone smiled fondly at her husband, who was clearly annoyed now.

Hades grunted and looked away. “Don’t change the subject Mnemosyne.”

Mnemosyne shook her head, her smile still in place. “Lethe was happy with how she got his memories again, but she is the goddess of forgetfulness, so she probably forgot that this boy can’t handle more. Nico di Angelo’s memories, he treasures them a lot. He lost them once and he never gained those back.”  She glared at Hades at this, Percy can guess why. Hades still probably holds Nico’s memories, of his life before the Lotus Casino. He may have learned about his mother, but he’ll never remember anything at all. “But pain makes us want to forget. I’m giving him my blessing to remember this time, but only time can tell. It is all up to him.”

Percy found it amusing to see the God of the underworld squirm in front of a minor god as she continued to glare at him. “Everything comes for a price though young demigod. It is not much. Sometimes letting go and acceptance is the key.” Mnemosyne warned Percy. “He won’t hold back in remembering once the price has been paid. But the payment is not for me. Think about it.” She said before dissolving back to her pond.

It actually annoyed Percy that to get what they need, demigods always had to give up something. Mnemosyne seemed to be a really nice goddess, but still, she was saying that for Nico to remember, something must be given in return. Couldn’t the gods be direct for once and just tell him what to do? Was he just going to have to sit back and watch Nico till he remembered?

Hades offered to take Nico in, he was after all his son. But Percy insisted that he’d take care of the boy. It was his penance. For all the pain he had caused Nico, it was fitting that he was the one who would take care of him.

Persephone was surprisingly the one who sent them off. Percy would have thought she actually cared for Nico if not for the fact that she happily threw blooming flowers in their path, saying it’s for Nico’s future recovery. Stupid goddess. He started to see how much she hated Nico. He was suddenly thankful Amphitite just ignored him when he visits his father’s realm. He now had this urge to pull out Riptide and slash the roses that kept on blooming where they were walking just to spite the goddess. He could probably guess that she would just keep on turning Nico into a different kind of plant if he stayed here in the Underworld, which only solidified Percy’s decision to take care of him.

Back at camp, the reaction about Nico’s situation varied from each cabin.

The children of Aphrodite found it cute that Nico was clingy and was practically attached to Percy, Hazel or Jason. He heard the words ‘ship’ muttered between the girls constantly. It just made Percy confused, why would a ship be related to Nico’s return?

The boys from Hypno’s cabin all shook their head; sadness was evident in their faces before they fell asleep again. The River of Lethe was part of Hypno’s symbol, so they probably have an inkling of what happened.

Clarisse and her siblings laughed at how weak Nico was calling him suicidal, which prompted a duel between Clarisse and surprisingly Leo. After the fight, which burned parts of the ground, Leo confessed that he kind of get where Nico was coming from, being an insecure kid who thought negatively before. He said he just masked everything with a joke or a smile, but everything was painful inside.

It was too overwhelming for Nico to be crowed that he started crying and wouldn’t let go of Percy.  This forced Percy to move back with his mom after a few days. Annabeth wasn’t happy about it. (They were only at camp for the summer after all, because both of them have been living in New Athens for a year now.) But Percy explained that his mom would probably be the best person in helping him take care of Nico, Annabeth reluctantly agreed to that. She didn’t have any experience in taking care of kids, so it was the best option they had as Nico wouldn’t go anywhere without Percy.

With Nico shoved in their everyday lives, their wedding was pushed to a much later date. He knew that Annabeth understood, she could be understanding in times like these. It’s not like they weren’t getting married, just not now, so it was just postponed until further notice. When? That he didn’t know, but he’d leave it to Annabeth. She was good at that kind of stuff. They could wait till whenever they wanted. In any case they weren’t going anywhere, so it wasn’t much of a big deal. Nico’s situation was more important for now.

Sally was beyond herself when she learned what happened to Nico. Percy watered down the details for her, not telling her the real reason why Nico felt pushed to do it. It was Nico’s secret to tell, and even if he lost his memories, Percy would keep it for him. As expected, his mom turned into a mother hen, fussing over the boy. She would cook tons of easy to eat food and feed Nico, saying that he’s too skinny and bony. She bought him a new set of clothes, all in blue much to everyone’s chagrin (Percy was secretly happy about it though). And because Nico wouldn’t let go of Percy, Sally pulled out all of Percy’s old baby toys and placed them inside Percy’s room, letting the two boys share the space. It was practical that way, they didn’t need to fix the storage room and turn it into a somewhat nursery for the son of Hades, plus Percy could look after him 24/7.

The toys greatly entertained Nico, he would laugh, chew on it and play loudly. Sometimes he would cry when he felt hungry or if Percy was too far away. He would whine a lot when Sally tries to give him a bath, but would be quiet and just stare when it was Percy. Paul loved watching Nico crawl around the house and plays with him all the time, he said it was refreshing to see a 19 year old kid like Nico to just seem so carefree. It was quite amusing to see so much emotion on Nico’s face. It actually warmed Percy heart to finally see him laughing and enjoying life for once; even it wasn’t in the best condition,  happiness really does have a heavy price. For Nico to be finally happy, he had to forget everything.

Hazel, Leo, Jason and Piper would drop by every other day and play with Nico endlessly until he tired out.

Piper loved to tie Nico’s long hair in different colourful bow (she said it’s to make up for all the black clothes he used to wear) and she sang a lullaby she learned in Italian. Nico would fall asleep by then, snuggling contently on Piper’s lap.

Jason loved to fly around with Nico in his arms and Percy loved watching them from below as Nico would laugh, enjoying the breeze.

Hazel would sit down and tell stories to Nico, mostly about his old life, on how he’s the best brother Hazel could ever wish for in hopes of making him remember. She would often sleep over and just snuggle beside Nico, holding him tightly, afraid that he would be gone the next day. Percy didn’t mind sleeping on the couch for days like that. The children of the Underworld both had abandonment issues and Percy was just after all taking care of Nico, so he really didn’t want to be on Hazel’s way when she wanted her brother more than anything.

Leo would bring different kinds of toys he could make, every single one doing different than the previous ones. There was even a figurine of Hades based on Mythomagic that would walk around and have a staring competition with Nico.

Frank would IM them most of the time when the gang was there, regretting not coming because of his Praetor status. At times that he would come, he would turn into various kinds of animals to entertain Nico. He told Percy how it was now normal to hear Nico’s laugh when back then he was startled to even know that he could.

Annabeth would sometimes join them, but she preferred to just sit back and watch them. Somehow she wasn’t comfortable playing with a 19 year old boy with the mental capacity of a six month old child. Or maybe because she finally figured out that Nico never liked her the way she thought he did, with how attached Nico was to Percy. Plus Jason’s comment about how ‘it never was Annabeth’ said a lot of things. Yeah, Percy was certain that she knows. She just seemed shocked, but mostly accepting in her own way. But Percy would sometimes see Annabeth looking at Nico with a sad expression on her face before looking at him. Shaking her head in the process before making the look she always had whenever she saw Rachel, back then before they started dating. Percy just usually shrugged it off as an Annabeth thing.

At nights, right after Percy finished his IMs with Annabeth, he and Nico would curl up and cuddle on his bed to sleep. At first Percy tried to get Nico on the single bed his mom moved inside his room, but the boy kept crying and crawling back to Percy’s bed to snuggle up beside him.  So Percy resigned and eventually gave in. It wasn’t like he was uncomfortable about it. He rather enjoyed cuddling up with Nico. The guy was actually cute when his face was all relaxed while sleeping; it made Percy’s heart beat a little bit faster than it should. Though he tried not to think about it, especially the part where he wants to lean down and kiss him. Nico does have a young man’s body after all, despite the brain of a baby. A very pale, but handsome young man.

Jason said that perhaps Nico subconsciously remembered Percy when they talked about it one day. It was like how Percy still remembered Annabeth’s name when his own memories were taken by Hera. Love was powerful that way, it exceeds all boundaries. It just hit Percy how deeply in love Nico must have been with him. It made Percy’s heart clench, like a ghostly pale hand was gripping it tightly. How he wished he just noticed it before it ended up like this, with Nico not remembering anything at all.

Despite a lot his friends and his mom offering to watch Nico for Percy when he had things to do, he refused to leave Nico alone, the son of Hades was his responsibility, and he was uncomfortable leaving him with other people. It’s not that he thought the others would be bad at taking care of him. He just preferred to do it.

* * *

 

There were days where it was quiet and it was just him and Nico, the latter sleeping peacefully in his lap. Those times made him think through things that happened in the past, especially regarding Nico.

About how he really did miss the Ghost boy even though they didn’t have that much of a happy memory together. Those glares and snarky remarks he had made. Those things that made Nico who he was (being sassy, dark and scary) despite the boy being Anti-social after his sister died. They weren’t that close back then, plus Nico hated him for the most part, since Bianca died (or maybe he didn’t?), and yet regardless of all those things Nico acted as his angel of sort, looking over his back when he blindly fought forward, taking care of the things everyone neglected.

He also missed the days when Nico was still happy, the way he followed him around and asked random questions. Percy sometimes wished that Bianca didn’t die, just to see Nico smile that way again. Don’t get him wrong, Nico does smile now, but it was different. The smiles that he gives out today were simple smiles you’ll get from kids with simple things in mind that makes them happy. The smile that Nico had before Bianca’s death was livelier. His eyes would sparkle and was full of awe.

There were days when he felt somewhat jealous of Frank and Jason, because they got to hear Nico’s laugh back when they were on their way to the House of Hades to rescue him and Annabeth. He knows it’s pointless to feel that way, but ever since that night that Nico had left Camp-halfblood when he delivered the news about Bianca, he had never heard him laughing so carefree. So he tried pushing those ill feelings away. Those were inappropriate, and he did have a girlfriend he’s planning to marry one of these days.

* * *

 

Unexpectedly, Nico’s first word came a few months after the incident, which caused Percy to face a problem he was trying to ignore for the past weeks. Annabeth was visiting and his parents were out when it happened. They were lounging at the living room watching re-runs while Nico was playing with some stuff toys, when the boy started yelling his name while crawling towards him.

“Percy!” He giggled waving his hands happily. “Percy! Percy! Percy!”

After staring for quite some time, shocked by the display, Percy started laughing. He got off the couch and kneeled beside Nico. “Isn’t that cute?” He poked Nico on the nose, which made the boy laugh even louder. “Your first word had to be my name huh?” He kissed him on the cheek and patted his head lovingly, ruffling his hair in the process. He blew raspberries on Nico’s cheek and neck as the boy kept yelling ‘Percy’ gleefully in a childlike voice (it was a bit high pitched compared to Nico’s regular voice. Percy thought it was adorable.).

Annabeth groaned behind him. “Typical.” Her voice resigned, like she had just given up.

“Annabeth.” He looked back and frowned at her. “We’ve talked about this. Nico needs me.”

“I know Percy.” She sighed. “But this isn’t getting us anywhere.”

“What do you mean? If it’s about the wedding, I thought we were rescheduling it till next year.”

Annabeth shook her head. “Percy, look at me straight in the eyes.” She shifted a bit so they were staring directly into each other’s eyes, her gray eyes were still as beautiful as ever. They were like molten silver that was staring at his very soul. “What do you feel about Nico?”

Percy swallowed. His mouth suddenly felt like it was full of cotton. This was one topic he had chosen to ignore for the past month. Percy didn’t actually want to face this. He really rather not dwell on the fact that he had started to feel something for Nico. Something that was more than just caring. Something that he had only felt for Annabeth before. It was wrong. It was wrong to wake up in the morning with a tingle running through his core, wanting to devour Nico in any way possible. It was wrong to want to kiss him when Nico cuddled up with him. It was wrong to wish Nico would remember so that Percy could feel what is like to be loved by Nico. Everything was wrong, because he still had Annabeth and he still loved her.

Annabeth smiled and patted his cheek lightly, like she understood everything Percy was feeling right now. Maybe she does, she can read Percy like a book after all. “It’s okay Seaweed brain. I get it.” She leaned back down on the couch. “I kind of expected it.”

“What?”

“Nico is special to you Percy.” She turned her head facing him as she slid down to a lying position. “Even as a kid, Nico has this effect on you. It’s why you felt guilty about Bianca’s death, why you had a hard time forgiving him when his dad tried to imprison you. Or about him holding back about knowing you when you lost your own memories.”

“But Annabeth-”

Annabeth shook her head again. “I’m not saying that you love him back then.” She then laughed like it was the funniest thing ever. “I’m just saying that he’s special. These past months living away from you had given me a lot of time to think. You are loyal to boot Percy, it’s your fatal flaw. You are loyal to those who matter to you the most. You would do anything for them. It’s why you are suppressing your feelings for him, because you’re loyal to me. Because you would do anything to make me happy.”

Percy didn’t know how to answer that. Give it to Annabeth to figure out how he feels. He was too conflicted about it. He loved Annabeth, and whenever they were together, he could still feel the pull of wanting to marry her because she deserved that and he wanted her to be happy, like what she just said. But in the past months when he looked at Nico, everything else didn’t matter anymore, like all that mattered was to make Nico happy. To see those unguarded smiles, those lovable laughs. And even if it’s not the Nico he knows, (because of the losing memory thing) it’s still Nico deep inside. Those thoughts made him happy, like he’s the happiest he’s ever been.

“When we learned Nico left five years ago, I felt something in you changed. You’ve obsessively looked for Nico, always watching the shadows like he’ll appear any minute. At first I thought it was because of guilt. Because you weren’t a good friend.”

“It was.”

“No, Percy. Because if it was, you would have stopped when Nico’s first letter came, telling you that he doesn’t hate you and he was content where he was.”

And Percy knew that she was right. She was always right. As much as he denied it, now that Annabeth had pointed it out. “Annabeth… I- I still love you.”

A tear streaked down Annabeth’s face, Percy immediately wiped it with the back of his hand, caressing her cheek. “And I still love you Percy. But I know he’s more important now.”

“I’m sorry.” Percy pulled and hugged her. “I didn’t mean for it to happen like this.”

“I know…”

And they both sat there crying for hours until Nico cried louder than them, obviously hungry. It made them both laugh before pulling away from each other to feed the boy. They didn’t need to talk about it again after that; they both understood where they stood with each other. Percy was grateful Annabeth understood him perfectly.

Later that night, while Nico and Percy were curled up in his bed, he started talking to Nico about his feelings, even if he knows Nico undoubtedly could not understand him. He told Nico finally that maybe he does love him back, and he’s hoping Nico would get his memories again.

“I’m going to wait no matter how long. Just don’t make me wait too long okay Ghost boy? Cause you know it will be hard if we’re both gray and old by the time we have come to terms with each other.”

Nico looked at him with wide eyes, his face full of confusion, before he wrapped his arms around Percy’s neck and kissed the older boy sloppily before grinning. “Percy Percy Percy!”

Percy sat there shocked, not knowing what to do. He slowly touched his lips and stared back at Nico, who now lowered his head on Percy’s shoulder and happily snuggled up to him. “N-Nico?”

But the boy didn’t reply as he was already fast asleep, snoring lightly. Had Nico really just kissed him? Nah, it was just a baby thing. Babies like kisses right? Percy smiled and just hugged Nico, kissing him lightly before going to sleep himself.

* * *

 

Teaching or better yet, re-teaching Nico how to walk was easy. Percy should have thought of doing it earlier so Nico could just walk around the house. Because Nico’s body was still of a 19 year old boy, his leg muscle was strong enough to hold him up. It was helping him to balance (since he was now used to crawling around) that was a bit tricky, but Nico managed it on the first try.

His mom laughed at him when she saw him holding Nico’s hand, guiding the boy to walk. She said it was cute and it was about time Percy realized Nico could walk. Percy actually felt stupid at that. He had been treating Nico like a baby (ignoring the fact that he wants to kiss him from time to time after his talk with Annabeth) since they took him home when in fact Nico was technically an adult, only that his mind was screwed up.

Nico on the other hand was happy to re-learn to walk; he was giddy to finally be tall enough to reach Percy when he wants to cuddle. He would laugh every time he hugged Percy standing, a fact that Percy really enjoyed.

They started going out, walking through parks holding hands (or more like Percy holding Nico to stop him from running to everything he found interesting), but it was usually short lived as monsters tended to visit them often. Plus, people looked at them strangely when Nico whined about wanting to go to the playground. (He’d actually just point at it and cry ‘Percy’ over and over again.)

Percy was enjoying teaching Nico everything again, even though sometimes it was frustrating, especially when Nico started throwing his spoon and fork if he didn’t like the food. It was like experiencing everything with Nico. He sometimes thought that maybe what he felt was just the feelings of a father to a child, and then he remembered that at night he kisses Nico in a way a father shouldn’t do with his kid. It wasn’t make out kisses with tongues and all, gods no, Percy wasn’t desperate like that. They were just innocent pecks on the lips full of love. Not like Nico understands the different ways Percy kisses him, he just laughs happily with every kiss, which made Percy instantly guilty because of all the indecent thoughts we does want to do to him.

Annabeth still visited along with the others from time to time. She and Percy would just sit back together quietly, comfortable with each other’s presence. He was glad for that, that they weren’t awkward with each other. She was and would always be his best friend, along with Grover, gods know where he was right now. Probably still busy saving the wild, not that it was a bad thing, Percy mused. He does get an IM from him from time to time though.

* * *

 

Months passed and Percy noticed that Nico started to remember things, however vague they may seem. And because he can actually talk now (like a little kid though, maybe around 3 to 4 years old, according to Annabeth), Nico would sometimes say things like his memories weren’t erase at all but then starts to babble non-sense again.

They were times when Nico would just sit there when everyone was visiting him and stare at everyone while the shadows moves around him. He would then reach out to Hazel, kiss her forehead before his face rucked up, confused, then he would laugh again like a baby. Then there was a time where he would stare out at the sky and say ‘Bianca’ before going to sleep.

Annabeth said that Nico’s mind was probably speeding up his mental capacity of sorts or maybe he was experiencing his memories flashes before him then disappearing again, so Percy shouldn’t be shocked if one day he would wake up and Nico was back to his old self but also with the memories of being a baby, just like what happened to Iapetus.

But even though Annabeth had warned him, it still took him by surprise when Nico suddenly stood up from where he was sitting by the kitchen table, putting his spoon and fork down with a scared or more like ‘horrified to death’ look on his face.

“Nico? Are you okay?” He stood up too, and immediately went to the boy’s side, wrapping his arms around his shoulders, worried something might have happened.

“P-percy?” Nico pushed him away, his voice laced with recognition and not the baby babble like tone he used now. Percy felt his heart flip. Was Nico finally remembering everything?

The son of Hades stumbled down on the floor, holding his head between his hands. “I…” He then started screaming.

“Nico! It’s okay.” Percy hugged him, trying to soothe the boy who was obviously having a panic attack. It hurt to see him like that. “It’s fine, I’m here. I promise I won’t leave.” He pulled the younger boy in his lap, who started to thrash around. “Shhhh… Nico, it’s gonna be okay. It’s okay to remember.”

Soon enough, Nico started to calm down, but he was still shaking slightly. “Percy, I’m alive?”

“No shit, Sherlock.” He couldn’t help but laugh at that, which earned him a glare and a weak shaky shove. “I’m sorry. I’m just…” Percy grinned. “I’m just happy you got your memory back. You do have your memory back right?”

Nico closed his eyes and nodded, trying to move away from Percy’s lap, uncomfortable with their closeness.

“Why did you do it?”  He suddenly asked the boy.

Percy felt Nico tremble again, great, couldn’t he just shut up? The guy was facing a lot of emotional things right now. He just had to ask. “Nico-”

“I wanted to die obviously.” He buried his face in his hands, ashamed and tired. “So I decided to drown myself, and maybe get reborn afterwards.”

“But why the River of Lethe?”

“Why do you think Kelphead?” Nico replied, frowning at him. Okay, maybe it was a stupid question to ask because the river of Lethe has only one purpose. But Nico explained anyway. “If by miracle I do live from drowning, I get to forget everything. Guess that didn’t work properly as I did gain my memories back. Tough luck.”

“I think that’s only permanent to souls.”

“I think I should know that if that’s true, as I am the son of the god of the Underworld. Ghost king remember?”

Percy laughed, glad to finally have that snippy Nico back, gods, he missed that so much. “Remember when how I told you back then about Bob helping us because of you? Back when you were tying yourself to the Athena’s Pantheon.”

Nico nodded, crossing his arms, waiting for Percy to continue.

“Well, I was going to tell you that Bob did gain his memories back.” Percy shifted a bit. “It was slow at first, but then he suddenly remembered everything after a while.”

“Oh…” Nico looked down. “Then what I did was… futile, seeing as I got my memory back.”

Percy leaned back, looking at Nico seriously. “Don’t ever do that again. You made us all worried.”

“Right…” He shook his head and stood up, dusting his clothes a bit before noticing they weren’t his normal clothes. His face furrowed in distaste. “Are these your clothes?”

“My mom bought those for you.” Percy really tried not to laugh at how cute Nico looked. He was clearly disgusted with all the blue he was wearing.

“It’s nauseating to even wear these. Don’t tell her I said that. I prefer my own clothes, thank you very much.”

Percy once again laughed, which he noted makes Nico flushed a bit, hiding it with a scowl. “So Nico.” He drawled.

“What?” Nico replied flippantly. He was already removing the shirt he was wearing. That made Percy blush. He had given Nico bathes countless of times now, and yet seeing the younger demigod stripping before him on his own was… disturbingly hot.

“Uh…” He was sure that his face was as read as a tomato now, Percy was just glad that Nico wasn’t looking at him. “I was just wondering if you remember anything else?”

Nico frowned before turning to look at Percy, failing to notice the blush because of his confusion, thank Zeus for that. “Like what?”

Percy shrugged, playing it off coolly. “I don’t know, maybe your memories while your brain was that of a baby?”

The son of Hades visibly turned red and immediately spun away. He started walking towards the Percy’s room.

Percy couldn’t help but grin at that. “So you do remember!” He trailed after the boy, feeling giddy.

“So what? I just remember snippets of it.” Nico was now rummaging through Percy’s cabinet looking for something to wear, but the way his face was still burning, Percy could conclude that he remembered everything, even those kisses they shared, no matter how one sided and innocent they were. “Damn it Percy, don’t you have anything else other than blue and the camp’s shirt?”

“Try looking at the drawer at the bottom.” Percy suggested as he came closer at the younger guy’s back. He slowly wrapped his arms around Nico’s waist, pulling him closer. He could feel him tense up in his arms. “Nico.” He whispered, blowing into the younger man’s ear.

“Percy don’t.” Nico took a deep breath as he closed his eyes, shuddering lightly. “Annabeth…”

“Annabeth and I broke up eight months ago…” Percy replied, pulling Nico closer to him, nuzzling on the younger demigod’s side.

“What? Why?” Nico turned in Percy’s arms to stare at him in disbelief. He probably didn’t remember Percy and Annabeth breaking up in front of him, he was after all too busy playing with his baby toys at that time to notice the emotional scene before him.

He smiled down at him. “Because I love you Nico.”

Nico’s mouth dropped open. Percy found it adorable; he had managed to make Nico speechless. “Ever since you disappeared, I haven’t been the same. I kept on looking for you for five years. There was this void inside of me. I thought it was guilt. Then you tried to kill yourself.” Nico looked down at this, still ashamed of what he had done. “I was beside myself. So when we found you by the River of Lethe, I promised I would do the right thing for you. Funny that it was Annabeth, who pointed it out. She made me accept that I do have feelings for you.” He caught Nico’s chin and tilted his head so they were looking at each other’s eyes. Nico’s eyes were as beautiful as Annabeth’s, maybe even more. His eyes were full of confusion, sadness, love and regret. It made Percy’s heart clench, because till now Nico still felt that he will never be loved. “I let go of Annabeth because you are much more important. Because I love you.”

And that’s when it hit Percy.

_“Everything comes for a price though young demigod. It is not much. Sometimes letting go and acceptance is the key.”_

He promptly felt guilty. His leaving Annabeth was the price to get Nico’s memories back. He felt Nico’s hands grip the front of his shirt, still trembling like he didn’t know what to do, but was grasping with the reality Percy has just given him.

Percy took a deep breath and smiled at Nico. No, he and Annabeth, they both understood that this was inevitable. He had started to fall for Nico way before this had happened, even if he didn’t acknowledge that before. Like Annabeth said, Nico was special to him. It just took Nico leaving and forgetting his memories before Percy realized and accepted that. Annabeth would still be his first love and best friend. Nothing could take that away from the both of them.

“P-Percy.” Nico’s voice squeaked, nervousness was seeping out of him. “I-I love you too.” Tears were starting to fall down his cheek. “I’ve loved you for so long. I never thought this was possible.” He then started sobbing, burying his face on Percy’s chest. He kept on mumble on the things he felt back then when he decided that he wanted to end everything, how he tried everything to forget about him or how it was too painful for him to move one when he heard that Percy was getting married. All the feelings he had bottled up had started pouring out of his mouth and he just couldn’t stop.

Percy stood there and hugged Nico. His heart felt like it was doing different kind of flips. The feeling of regret and guilt that he had been keeping for years, finally were gone. All were replaced by love. His love for the boy in his arms. He kept murmuring words of love in the smaller boy’s ear, trying to calm him down.

Now that Nico’s memories were back, Percy didn’t really know where they would go from there. A lot of things were laid out in front of them. Life wouldn’t be easy, but Percy was willing to do everything to make Nico happy, beginning with starting a new life with him.

* * *

 

 

   **END**

* * *

 

_Betaread version 2  05/01/2014_

_Edited 16/01/2014_

 

**Author's Note:**

> (1) LETHE - the goddess or spirit of forgetfulness and oblivion
> 
> (2) MNEMOSYNE (Moneta in Roman) - the goddess titan of memory and remembrance and the inventress of language and words.
> 
> A/N: I used the concept of these goddesses residing in a form of water in the Underworld. Lethe was already given as it is one of the most known river of the Underworld. Mnemosyne was a bit tricky. There were writings about a spring where she resides, it is where people who wanted to talk to the oracle of Trophonius drink after drinking from the river of Lethe (where it was also described as a spring). There were a few writings where it was described as a river or a pond too. The pond just kind of stuck with me. 
> 
> I also went with the concept where Nico said that once you bathe in the river of Lethe, you will be like a baby and came up with this, and because Bob is a Titan, it had a much milder effect on him.
> 
> This fic was started as a suicide fic where Nico commits suicide on Percy's wedding. It was too angsty and it wasn't working well for me as it posed too many problems which ended with what would happen if he was somewhat 'reborn' hence the erasing of memories. But I wanted it to be different and not like the usual 'Amnesia' like story.
> 
> It wasn't specifically mentioned in the story, but Mnemosyne hinted that Nico's mind turned into that of a baby because he was bathe in the River of Lethe twice in his lifetime. Because he is a mortal, even though a demi-god, one's mind should not be erased more than once as it may cause a side effect, hence the baby mind, unlike the first time Nico bathes in the river where he just forgot parts of his life other than Bianca before they were put in Lotus Casino. I hope that explains it to some who are confused.
> 
> I am aware that the end feels kind of rushed, but I have no other ways of doing it. My mind just went with that.
> 
> Thank you for reading this. Criticism is highly welcomed.


End file.
